Ryan loved his six-year-old brother Regan very much, like only a little brother can love a Big Brother. Although he was only four years old, Ryan already had the personality of a teenager. A fourteen-year-old, to be exact. This meant that he could be sweetly adorable one minute and absolutely infuriating the next. As if to underscore the image of a fourteen-year-old inhabiting the tiny body of a four-year-old, Ryan wore glasses because he had a “lazy” eye.
He loved to sit for hours in his favourite chair in front of the TV and watch cartoon after cartoon. Of course, Regan couldn’t tolerate this. Whenever he saw Ryan silently enjoying a particularly colourful show, he had to irritate him in some manner. His usual strategy was to stand in front of him, blocking his view of the TV.
“I can’t see,” Ryan would mildly complain, not really pronouncing the words correctly, but instead speaking in a kind of baby-talk. Regan understood him perfectly though, and so did their mom, Shania, of course.
“Look at this toy,” Regan would respond, shoving one or another of their various toys in his brother’s face.
“Regan!” Shania would shout from the kitchen, “Are you irritating your brother again?” To which Ryan would respond, “He’s trying to annoy me!” And yes, he used such words because of all the cartoons he watched.
Before his mom could sort Regan out, Ryan would give him a slight push and he would go flying, probably because Regan was reed thin whereas Ryan was on the chubby side. Head over heels Regan would go a-tumbling, only to get up and have a go at his little brother. Instead of cringing in fear though, Ryan would stand his ground … or rather, sit his ground, as he had been watching TV when Regan had come to bother him. An inevitable to and fro would then ensue, with Regan pushing his brother, while Ryan held him literally at arm’s length and continued to watch his cartoon. At this point, Shania would usually enter, whack both a few times hard on their butts, go back to finish supper and leave the two sitting wide-eyed and in shock. The entire spanking would happen so speedily that the boys didn’t even have time to cry. When their behinds eventually started to burn, the time to weep had already passed. Of course, once the surprise of the sudden Mom Attack wore off, they were at each other again.
It was a beautifully sunny day when their dad, Shawn, informed the boys that they would be going for a visit to one of their favourite uncles. Both boys were extremely excited because they knew they would either get toys from Uncle Callum, or sweets and chocolates. But if they were very lucky, they would get toys, sweets and chocolates.
“I want a Transformer truck,” Ryan confided to Regan. “I want a red one so I can play with that and my Transformer dino,” he clarified.
“You’re stupid,” Regan said curtly. “Dinos don’t play with Transformers. They kill Transformers,” he declared.
“You’re mean!” Ryan exclaimed and said, “Transformers also have dinosaurs. Did you forget we saw them in that movie?” He raised one of his eyebrows in vexation while Regan made it a point to ignore him. Ryan did not at all like being ignored, so he marched over to their DVD display cabinet, plucked a DVD from it and shoved it in front of Regan’s nose.
“See?” he said loudly. “This movie where the dinos are Transformers, too?” he ended and left the DVD on the floor in front of his brother. Regan picked up the DVD and took it back to the shelf to replace it. He was very particular about things always being replaced where they belonged. He was OCD like that.
“Well, I know Uncle Callum will give me a bigger toy because I’m older, and you must listen to me,” he said haughtily as he smacked Ryan lightly up the head as he passed him where he was playing on the floor with his toys. And then he ran away.
“I’m gonna smash you!” Ryan hollered as he gave chase, but Regan had long ago learned to hide so well from his little brother that he would sooner rather than later give up and go back to watching a cartoon. Five minutes later Regan walked back into the lounge as if nothing had happened, pretending that he hadn’t done anything to Ryan.
In a flash, Ryan was on Regan, pinning him down and smashing him over the head with one of his stuffed dinosaur toys. “Smash! Smash! Smash! Hulk smash puny Thor.” Oh, yes, he most definitely said “puny”. That comes from having watched and rewatched that classic scene in The Avengers in which Loki is thrown around like a rag doll by the Hulk. Regan could only giggle as his brother pummelled him.
“Are the two of you at it again?” Shawn asked when he came into the room to investigate what he ruckus was all about. “Move your butts now or we’re all staying at home today,” he threatened.
“Nooooooo!” both boys chorused. Order restored, the family finally drove off to visit Uncle Callum.
“Mmm, chicken!” Ryan smacked his lips when he saw that Uncle Callum had made roast chicken for them. Callum knew the boys loved his chicken, but it was Ryan’s favourite dish.
“Can we watch a movie, please?” Ryan asked Shania.
“Ryan, you just got here! You haven’t even greeted your uncle properly, and we’re going to have lunch now,” Shania said in exasperation.
“It’s fine, they can watch a movie while they eat. Right, boys?” Uncle Callum asked to their delight.
“Yes!” Ryan said, fist-pumping the air to express his happiness. “I wanna watch ‘Abdominal Snowman’,” he demanded.
“You’re thinking about your tummy again,” Regan instantly responded.
“What? What are you saying?” Ryan asked, making his eyes big and peering over his spectacles at his brother.
“It’s not ‘abdominal’; it’s ‘abominable’,” Regan clarified, carefully enunciating the word.
“Oh. Yes, that’s what I meant. Thanks, Regan.”
“This boy is going to eat me out of my home one day soon,” Shawn moaned.
Right on cue, Ryan said, “I’m starving. I haven’t eaten for days!”
While the adults laughed about Ryan’s ridiculous claim, Regan went over to the roast chicken dish, helped himself to a drumstick, and walked back to Ryan.
“Here,” he said, shoving the drumstick into his brother’s mouth. “Eat up and don’t say I never give you anything.”
“Chicken! Delicious,” Ryan said as he happily munched on his drumstick. Then he turned to Regan and said, “Come sit next to me, but don’t bother me while we watch the movie, okay?”
Predictably, that’s all Regan did throughout the movie. Brothers will be bothers, after all.
Image: Vitolda Klein (www.unsplash.com)